and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
