she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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