Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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