OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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