he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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