its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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