i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
