Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
