My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize