"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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