every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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