I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
