summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
