Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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