they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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