So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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