margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
