I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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