What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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