Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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