youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
