I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
