My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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