This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
