I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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