So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
