Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
