There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
