I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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