I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
