I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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