Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
