I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
