The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
