Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
