I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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