the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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