Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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