I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
