drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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