I wish I could teleport
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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