**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want nice things and good sex
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
