I faked an abortion last night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
