To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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