I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
