he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
