Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
