I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
