I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
