Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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