I love black thongs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am available for nakedness
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