he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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