we have pet lesbian snakes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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