I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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