ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
FUCK WHALES
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
