R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
