Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
