Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
