Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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