I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
