i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
