when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
