I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
