THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
