HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
