In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
