Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
