My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
