You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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