I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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