so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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