my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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