Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
