i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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