fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
