I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
