Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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