You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
