I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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