he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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