I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
