he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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