just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
