he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
