in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
